wooaaah oh oh oh... for the longest time

I'm listening to Billy Joel... damn, I love this man. I love every song. I just turn it on and instantly feel better - and if not better, at least I have good music to hum to.

I feel like my life has been rather dull as of late. Ian's taking a weird break from school, and so am I. The friends I hang out with right now (sans Alisha and Emily) are mostly people who stopped at high school - maybe have some college - and work jobs that could be considered dead end. I really, really don't want that, but at this point I still feel like if I went back to school it would just be a waste of my money and time. I can't concentrate. I still have no idea what the hell I want to do.

My GPA the past few quarters has been severely lacking. I've always either done really well in a class, or mediocre. And the deciding factor is ALWAYS how challenging it is. If I find the class to be hard, I work hard, and usually get a B or higher (this has been the same for science classes lately - which is weird). If I don't find the class hard, or interesting, I just zone out and waste that education on daydreams and doodles. It's a really bad habit.

I have a few more quarters left at SFCC... Then probably Eastern. I'd love to go to Whitworth, but I have to be realistic. It's not going to happen. My GPA is too bad and I'm not the kind of person who would play the "My mom died and I kind of fucked up my life after that." excuse, no matter how true it is.

If this was anyone elses situation, I'd be completely understanding. But it's mine and I absolutely hate it. I need to get off my ass and do something. I just don't know how or what to do.

I am endlessly frustrated by this situation.